That's the new thing?

I don't know where this came from, but I've got this new thing that I'm doing. I call it not-sneezing. Truthfully, it's a little annoying. I've spent 25 years getting very used to and comfortable with my standard double-sneeze. But now I can feel one coming on, then it just goes away... into nowhere! Not only do I miss the double, but I sometimes get cheated out of even the single!

Weird, huh?

Old people swearing = instant comedy!

Last week might have had THE funniest patient encounter I've ever experienced anywhere. Mike and I were seriously fighting back the tears from laughing so hard. It revolves around one of our cardiac patients, whom I'll call JP. He's a pretty quiet, kinda bumbly old man. Even makes those weird old-man-gasps when getting up or exerting himself much. Always seems a little spacey, especially when he shows up on the wrong day. Anywho... he has become a whole new character to us lately.

So JP finished up his workout and was coming over to Mike and me to check out. As he's sitting down we both here a little mutter that ended in "bullshit!" We... were... floored. We look at him, both going, "What was that, JP?!" And he looked up kinda like, "Huh? Nothing..." Again, "C'mon JP, what did you say there?" And we get, "Umm... hellooooo!" His avoidance just makes it that much more hilarious. It's like he's 5 and getting busted for saying "damn!"

It got even better when he started explaining. He nodded towards another cardiac patient (Petey) and started venting about how he just starts talking and doesn't really stop, then does the flapping-mouth motion with his hand, going "blah blah blah!" Mike and I are pretty much dying at this point because of how true it is. That's why it's funny... because it's so true! Petey has (unasked) started telling us WWII stories, railroad histories and how he used the Heimlich on his step-mother at dinner. I actually had Mike page me to the front desk just to get away from a 20-min rambling.

The end? We doubt it. Because we love amusement like that, we told Petey to make sure he catches up with JP whenever he can. In Mike's own words, which he says a lot between us, "...straight to hell..." Yeah, probably. :P

Part II: I Dunno...

I previously alluded to there being a second part to the story of my NY trip. I also asked Nikki earlier today, "What should I blog about?" Her response: "I dunno." So there you have it. Maybe that sums up my overall feeling better than any other clever phrasing. So what's the deal? A while back, my butt-twin expressed concern over a romantic couple in which the guy saw his girl's usually endearing traits as annoying. My problem seems to be the opposite: guy has several asshole-ish traits that should totally turn girl off, but they're still together.

So yeah, I felt like Renee and I both caught some dumbass behavior from her live-in boyfriend, OD. Let me count the things for which I hate thee:
1. You spent more time playing on my Wii than you did interacting with your real-life girlfriend.
2. You made gaming about "perfection", not fun.
3. You hogged games, then snapped at Renee for doing things wrong. Or you tried to console her over the littlest things. She's not a baby.
4. You went to work.... once. She went to at least 4 shifts while I was there.
5. When we walked home at 11 PM in the fuckin' cold, you didn't offer her your coat. I did.
6. I had to remind you the next day about going to change your tire.
7. I had to SHOW you how the crank and tire iron fit together, then you got snappy with me for not wanting to hold the cold metal while I had no gloves.
8. You thanked me for none of my help.
9. You did not help me navigated properly at all.
10. You changed my stereo without even asking. All control privileges are strictly those of the pilot UNLESS you are invited to take over. You were not.
11. You did not remember to get the meds Renee needed, even after I mentioned it a few times.
12. You nearly had us buy lots of shitty beer.

Before this trip, I liked OD. I thought he and Renee were good for each other. I didn't want to punch him. But things change. I realize that I don't like him anymore, and that I don't think he's good enough for her. He is merely hanging onto her coattails and providing a slight financial relief in the rent. He is more burden than reward and he can't even listen to her warnings about how serious the situation is. I guess there's been some fighting lately, and she's not sure they're gonna make it thru this as a couple. He's not the anchor that holds her steady, but the one that holds her back. I'm not wishing things to go bad between them, but.... I dunno.
I guess the right thing to do would be to pray.

My Freshman Y- zzzzzz...

Wait - did you click on the right link? Maybe punch in the URL a little too hastily and got the wrong page? Weird... why is there a book review on here?! Because it's Sunday night and I'm mixing things the hell up! But pay attention to what follows - it might save you.

It's been a few weeks since I finished a book. It got to the point where I was juggling 3 at a time to keep myself entertained, but I just finished one of them up tonight. It's called My Freshman Year* with some extended subtitle I'm not looking up... by Rebekah Nathan. Let's cut to the chase: 2 out of 5 stars.

It's a true book written by an anthropologist at NAU after she spends a year enrolled there as a freshman. Her motivation for this was to understand students and the American college culture a little better, as she admittedly didn't lately. In reading the premise, I thought this had great potential, but it really fell flat for me. The real problem was that it really didn't tell me anything I didn't already know from firsthand experience. This feeling was conveyed by several of the Amazon reviews I read prior to finishing it up, and not all of them from people like me with not-so-distant memories of college.

Want some mind-benders? Behold:
-Lots of underage students still drink at college.
-Various degrees of cheating go on all the time.
-Having class on Friday is frowned upon.
-Some students are so rushed that they sleep in class.
-Despite university initiatives to encourage (ethnic/international) diversity, many students hang out with others just like them.
-Students learn to tailor their opinions so that it pleases the teacher even if it's not what they genuinely believe or assert.

No.... shit. Again, maybe it's obvious to me, but lots of other people think she could've found the same results way faster by conducting direct interviews instead of adopting this "undercover" method of immersion. I do credit her with designing a research experiment that allowed her to naturally experience the field in question, but it also brings on questions of ethics in hiding her identity as a faculty member.

What really made it hurt is that it just draaaaaagged in so many places. I honestly had to force myself to sit down and push thru even the last 4 pages of her concluding chapter. It shouldn't be that hard. It also got really annoying that all of her footnotes were pushed to a section in the back. That meant flipping back and forth, sometimes just to find the title of an old study referenced. Well, I said fuck that, and just quit reading them. And really... anyone that throws out "reciprocity" as much as her needs a firm elbow in the sternum.

Really, the only thing that saved this review from 1 star (and me from binge-drinking away the pain) was that this book illustrated how wide the average is in the "average college student." I never thought of myself as the average, but I was much closer than I thought (with regard to her sampling). Many of us learn the shortcuts (geographically, academically, etc.), lose the urge to party all the time, and turn to doing enough work to get by. But we don't look at teachers as the enemy as she hints. I had some great teachers, and this ignorant message of hers only makes me want to e-mail them, catch up, and thank them for being as great as they were.

Meh - could've been a great revelation to future students, current students, parents, anyone... but it just turned out kinda ignorant and sneaky. Approach with caution.

Best. Boss. Ever.

I tend to brag about my boss, Jonathan, from time to time, but it's because he definitely deserves it. He does everything he can as a boss to keep us content, but does a fantastic job of being a good friend, too. I sometimes hear how lucky I am to have a boss with whom I get along, but I realized something new tonight. Jon has been out sick the entire week, and it's definitely not something light. But here it is....

Jon is the only boss that I've had that I would call just to check up on. No emergencies, no questions about the office, just wanted to check up on my buddy. Now THAT is golden.

Ironsomethong

Cliff Notes version: I went to New York. It was cold. I did stuff. I came home.
(Sure - it's all true, but it's not gonna get you thru a test on it!)


Slightly more detailed version:
I took my first real vacation in a long time last week, and I used it to go visit my friend Renee up in Rochester, NY. I got up there around 7ish on Thursday night and we had low goals for the evening. Just ate some dinner, exchanged Christmas gifts and played various Wii games. The drive wasn't too bad, just lonely and long. Sure, I had TomTom and his scattered remarks to keep me company, but we weren't always on good terms considering his unnecessary side-trips that came up for no reason. Don't worry - we talked things out and are doing alright now.

Friday was fairly uneventful thru the day because, even though I had off work, Renee did not and still had two separate shifts to work that day. So her boyfriend, OD, and I mostly lazed around with more Wii-based enjoyment. I opted to go out and take care of some errands, but he insisted we do nothing. Ooooookay. We were responsible for figuring dinner for us all, so we eventually decided on going out to TGI Fridays. OD's car was riding a little funny on the way over, the cause of which (we soon discovered) was a flat tire. Oh joy. We left the car overnight and walked the VERY chilly 1/2 mile back home. But we still got to enjoy a good dinner and a few drinks, not to mention our often-running waiter, whom we suspected to have eaten a big bowl of Heroine-O's for breakfast. Nevertheless, he gave great service and was very nice.


Saturday started earlier than I liked with me getting up and driving OD to his shift (test administering) at some high school 20 mins away. I dropped him off in my car on account of his still-flat tire and said I'd pick him up later. I told TomTom *grumble* to save the location of the school for later reference. OD told me the name was Irondequoit High School, but I was still very sleepy and I tried to type in "Ironsomething", which turned into this blog's title. I blame TomTom and his tiny keypad for jumping around on my sleepy eyes. I go back home and sleep for a while, then hang with Renee for a while. We played Wii tennis to the point that she knocked over a cup of water in a swatting frenzy. To be fair, though, we won the game. We later raced out to pick up OD with little help from TomTom since he didn't really want to save that "thong" location from earlier, plus I could barely remember my route from earlier that morning. Not a morning person at all, remember?

Once we got home, we chilled for a bit (and I learned that Gilmore Girls is kinda good), then Renee had to run off to her shift. OD got obsessive over playing Rayman: Raving Rabbids, so I just kinda sat back and let him geek out a bit. I later reminded him about his flat tire, so we ran out and fixed that up without much trouble. Honestly, I felt like the more competent man between us, and that's just sad. Afterwards, we had some quiet time with our own books, so that was nice. We later made a trip to Wal-Mart, which yielded another Wii controller and ample amounts of beer. OD and I managed to turn Mario Kart 64 into a drinking game. We designed it so that the better driver would have to drink more in order to level the playing field. The result? I kicked his ass up and down, drank more than him, and still dominated. We wound up meeting Renee at a nearby mall, ate dinner at the foodcourt, then just malled around for a bit. Most of our time was spent in the pet store and the Gifts of Asia store with weapons and windchimes and Go stones. Renee did some clothes browsing, so OD and I sat outside and fantasized about sliding under the security gates as stores closed up. (No, we didn't try.) Upon getting home, we changed into comfy clothes, played more games until way-too-late AM, and Renee and I both out drank OD.

Sunday = all driving back to MD. Not much more to say, 'cept I was bitter about never finding a Quizno's despite TomTom saying there was one around where I stopped AND a giant sign I saw from the highway. Drat monkeys...

In conclusion, the evidence suggests that pants are indeed necessary in the workplace, no matter what liberal interpretations might be taken from "Casual Fridays." No, wait - wrong conclusion.... Oh yeah! Overall, it was a fun trip and I was very happy to see Renee again.

Part II to follow shortly...

Midnight meme

Alright - for reasons of blogger-audience confidentiality, I can't tell you who exactly I stole this meme from, but his/her name rhymes with Bikki DeFlarco. Having said that, here we go!

A - Age: 25
B - Band listening to right now: Atreyu

C - Career future: physical therapist or rockstar - it's honestly a toss-up at this point

D - Dad's name: Richard

E - Easiest person to talk to: Nikki or Laura

F - Favorite type of shoe: eh - whatever's comfy

G - Grapes or Grapefruit: "grapes, grapefruit are gross." (You said it, Bikki!)
H - Hometown: Waldorf, MD
I - Instrumental talent: electric guitar... that's about it
J - Juice of choice: orange
K - Koala Bear or Panda Bear: Koala, but only because of fond memories of some old Nickelodeon cartoon that featured them.
L - Longest car ride ever: probably Waldorf, MD to Nashville, TN
M - Middle name: Neal!

N - Number of jobs you've had: 6, but only if you count my old babysitting days
O - OCD traits: Hardly OCD, but I prefer the open side of my pillowcase to be to my back.
P - Phobia[s]: being forgotten
Q - Quote: "There is not enough time to do all the nothing we want to do." -Bill Watterson
R - Reason to smile: New books, visiting friends, upcoming date!
S - Song you sang last: "My Heart" by Paramore
T - Time you wake up: 8:00ish
U - Unknown fact about me: I have the worst case of delayed reaction ever. It involves a joke from a Calvin and Hobbes strip and an "ant-elope" pun. Then it hit me nearly 10 years later.
V - Vegetable you hate: Brussel sprouts taste like condensed evil.
W - Worst habit: going to bed without brushing my teeth
X - X-rays you've had: teeth, chest
Y - Yummiest food your belly likes: cheese toast, meaty pizza, Mom's pot pie, 5 Guys burgers
Z - Zodiac Sign: Sagittarius