A pimp's love is very different from that of a square.

Okay, first order of business: have you seen Idiocracy? No? Do it... hilarious movie. It's by Mike Judge, same dude that did Office Space. But don't expect more Office Space. It's another brand of humor, hypothesizing that our world is headed for mass-stupidity. I mean, look at Paris - she's ahead of the curve! Moving on...

I've been antsy about getting some writing done lately, and this came with varied results. One night I sat at my desk for nearly 2 hrs and barely anything to show. Another night I drove home with something original in mind and it just came out with a little patience. Is this what being an author or musician is like? Definitely still in little league. Anywho, here are the previously mentioned pieces. Music to follow when I'm better at that too. :P

(currently untitled) (2007)

On I’ll go
Going nowhere fast, picking up speed.
You can’t know
It’s not what I want, it’s what I don’t need.

Highway bound
Going through zip codes faster than cigarettes.
Hallowed ground
I left behind good times, not just regrets.

On I’ll go
Going nowhere fast, picking up speed.
You can’t know
It’s not what I want, it’s what I don’t need.

Coffee black
No one wants answers, no one’s my boss.
One-man pack
I once was found, but I’d rather get lost.

On I’ll go
Going nowhere fast, picking up speed.
You can’t know
It’s not what I want, it’s what I don’t need.

No more ties
I race the horizon, but she always wins.
No goodbyes
Don’t feel much ‘cept the burn of the wind.

Found my peace
Chasing east
Final song
Now I’m gone.

Yeah - I haven't even got a title for that one yet. Suggestions are certainly welcome. This next one came a little tougher because I was trying to tie in lots of thoughts from a book I've been reading lately. I'm learning about my own philosophy and realizing how it aligns with lots of older thoughts (Aristotle, Kierkegaard, Nietzsche, etc.).

My Revolt (2007)

My life’s greatest battle
Is fighting tide and time.
Must make sure I win this,
Make it all mine.
So go do what you want
But I won’t be in the crowd.
Each step I take, eyes open.
I won’t follow blind or bowed.

I will invent.
I will invert.
I will separate myself from you.
It’s not for wealth.
Sing for myself.
I’ll scream as loud as I want to.

I won’t put down your path,
But I’ve gotta walk my own.
Your message doesn’t work for me
So I’ll just stick to my song.
March in deepened footprints,
Too afraid of being heard.
Living for another’s cause
Is nothing but absurd.

I will invent.
I will invert.
I will separate myself from you.
It’s not for wealth.
Sing for myself.
I’ll scream as loud as I want to.

I only question ‘cause I care.
The standard isn’t good enough for me.
This beaten path, it goes nowhere.
Stop looking and really try to see.

So suck it up,
And fuck it up.
Never mind what the others do.
Write a new rule.
Use a new tool.
I’ll live for me, you live for you.

You make me want to quit sharing myself.

Dad really upset me this evening, and maybe it's something ridiculous and minuscule, but it really hit a nerve.... hard. My dad is very proud of my creative side, mostly my lyric writing, and that's great. I pour myself into my work and try to make sure it's genuine and meaningful. What upset me was that he told me about sharing my work with someone else he knows from work, but didn't bother to ask if he could first. I take my work very personally and I guess I thought it would be a gesture of courtesy to say, "I would like to share your work with someone I know that I think would really appreciate it. Is that okay?" But what really annoys me is that this has happened before. He took it upon himself to spread MY work elsewhere, so that's when I told him I'd rather be asked first. But now it seems that is too much to ask of him.

Now is where we get into the debate of how "public" my song already are. I have put a lot of my pieces online and unrestricted. In theory, this means the entire net-surfing population can see my poetry or songetry, so I'll say 3.3 billion people are reading my blog. (This is under the random guess that 50% on the global population either has no net access or has AOL, which is basically the same thing. Of course, this figure also neglects the language barrier that would filter out another sizable chunk.) I would be willing to bet that 95% of the people that come across my writings are people that actually know me. There might be a few random peeks here and there, but the majority are friends that are intentionally checking my stuff out. And of those regulars, I doubt that any of them copy/paste my writings or send links around for people to check it out. It's nobody's to show off but my own. I thought I'd found a medium to share with those whose opinions actually count to me, but it seems I need to narrow this down. All that said, I'm fairly calm now. I realize he's acting out of pride, and it's such a thing to explode over. It may just mean I have to set certain parameters on who can view my ramblings and writings. Suggestions?

I have been writing, though. I tried to sit down and force something out for a couple hours last night, but it went very rough. I might have something I would post as a rough draft, but I wanna do some second-impression revisions first. It's still not coming out naturally for me.

The Yin and Yang of an Audiophile

Back in my junior English class we wrote short papers on illusions, and I made mine about the illusion of how I'll always have time to do whatever. I made the realization that this is incredibly false, and that I'm only damaging myself with my late-to-bed/early-to-rise routine. I'm not saying I've made any progress in that area, but rather I've made another discovery about myself, and easily confirmed it over the last couple weeks.

I've kinda joked about it before, but now I know the two polar opposites that attract me in the world of sound. Of course there's the driving rhythms and flighty solos and soulful growls of Metallica (just as one example). I love getting caught in the frenzy, falling victim to the mood of the song and just embracing the overpowering volume, sometimes to the point of doing my body physical harm. So is it any surprise that the other sweetest sound to me is absolute silence? It's so rare to actually find, but there is no other peace like it. No traffic, no phones, no buzzing machines, no fussy babies, no background conversations, no radio or television... just nothing. Even if the breeze were to pick up a bit and rustle some trees, you'd be tempted to "shush" it, and then scold yourself for an unnecessary exhalation. I miss that total silence, especially since it seems to be best for my writing. (Insert segue here.)

I need to get back to writing. I have many things pushing and signaling me to exercise my creativity more, so I just gotta sit down and crank some work out. I wish it wasn't such hard work for me to do. Maybe I overthink and complicate my writing process, but I feel like there's some skilled core that I've yet to reach. Little help?