I'm not dead yet!

Warning: no worthwhile blog is contained in this posting! Proceed with caution!

Soooo.... I suck at blogging. I haven't posted anything anywhere in nearly 2 months. What the crap?! There's been tons going on and I've got loads on my mind. I just haven't been motivated to write. Maybe I should write more... if for no other reason, to get it out in words for myself to understand. Y'know, like those letters you wrote to your ex, but never put in the mail. More to come later. Bear with me.

Renee: "That's stupid. How about to... oh! To Steve and Barry's!" Me: "Hell yeah to Steve and Barry's!"

I have yet to sit down and compose my philosophy blog based on recent readings (Metallica and Phil.), so I'll do something easier and talk about my awesome weekend. It really couldn't have been much better.

Saturday started off with very loose plans for me and Renee to go to this mall in Baltimore. It's the only place around with a Steve and Barry's store, which sells very affordable school sportswear and lots of other stuff. Despite our best searching, we couldn't find a UMBC hoodie for Renee, but I hit the jackpot. I managed to get 3 t-shirts and a hoodie for about $40. I bought a $15 hoodie. Let that sink in: I bought a $15 hoodie! We ambled around the mall a bit in a Billy-from-Family-Circus manner, then eventually left after declaring the stop a success. We stopped by Rita's on the way home so that added a little extra happiness. Oh - big pats on the back for my driving skills and Renee's kick-ass navigation as my co-pilot.

When we got back to Renee's apartment, I naturally got out of the car and walked inside with her and the other guy that went with us. We played some Brain Age on the Wii (I'm dumb) and decided we would all have dinner there. Upon calling OD (her bf), Renee confirmed that we would order some pizzas and walk over to stock up on drinks. Suggestions of making it a car-bomb night were greeted with joy and frivolity. So we had a lively evening of Wii games, drinking, confusing techno, Lode Runner nostalgia and plenty of Mario Kart 64 (fucking blue shells!). I sobered up and left probably around 1:30 am.

Sunday was even more fun with a whole new crowd. All of the family came up to my place, so that gave me sufficient motivation to clean the crap outta my whole place. It doth now shine like a pretty, sparkling jewel! Anywho, some people napped while others played games. Then we gathered our butts up and had an awesome lunch at Cheeseburger in Paradise. I think we're close to confirming that Mini-Cheeseburgers are the greatest invention of mankind. Seriously - isn't that proof that we've evolved into something better? We had some nice live music and Leah showed her appreciation by waving and clapping for the girl playing. Then we wandered back to the apartment to relax. Various naps of various lengths were had, then we went down to the pool to splash it up. Leah definitely hearts the water, such that she squeaks with joy. I might have to call her Squeakers again. Or Awesome... because she is. Then we all dried off and all the peoples went home. I finally took my nap. It. Was. GREAT!

I finally got up, showered off the chlorine, ate some dinner and decided to blog. This brings us to now. That pretty much brings us to the end as well. I don't have to work until noon, so gonna sleep in a bit. Lots more blogging to come, so stay tuned and keep leaving funny comments - you know who you are! Later.

"Meme... not a Youyou."

Here's a meme that I promised Nikki I'd do. I thought she was being kinda short-worded with it until I saw that it's a one-word meme. That's gonna make this interesting.

1. Where is your mobile phone? desk
2. Relationship? progressing...
3. Your hair? messy
4. Work? stressful
5. Your sister(s)? Momtastic
6. Your favorite thing? music
7. Your dream last night? Trujillo?!
8. Your favorite drink? Dew
9. Your dream car? TransAm
10. The room you're in? bedroom
11. Your shoes? shoes...?
12. Your fears? future
13. What do you want to be in 10 years? healthy
14. Who did you hang out with this weekend? Chris
15. What are you not good at? surrendering
16. Muffin? please!
17. Wish list item? fitness
18. Where you grew up? Waldorf
19. The last thing you did? laundry
20. What are you wearing? boxers
21. What are you not wearing? pants
22. Your pet? dumb
23. Your computer? new!
24. Your life? interesting
25. Your mood? comfy
26. Missing? Grandpa
27. What are you thinking about? reading
28. Your car? Civic
29. Your kitchen? spacious
30. Your summer? worktastic
31. Your favorite color? red
32. Last time you laughed? today
33. Last time you cried? dunno
34. School? later...
35. Love? unique

Take it if you want it!

Slept in until noon, sooooo...

I haven't written much of anything in a while and figured I should do another entry before I receive more threatening comments about how I need to blog more. I haven't had much very interesting stuff going on, so I'll take the Nikki approach and just list some stuff out. Oh - but I was nominated for a Rockin' Girl Blog by Laurel. I'm not entirely sure how I feel about that, so I'll accept (however I do that) and just assume that I rock faces off.

I finished two more books: Metallica & Philosophy and The Stupidest Angel. I recommend the previous to anyone that is interested in learning more about their own identity and morals. It goes well beyond the band. (I'll write much more on this later.) And the latter was pretty good, too. Christopher Moore is moving up in my list of preferred authors because he is so hilarious and original. It wasn't as good as A Dirty Job, but it was certainly worth the time.


My boss called me "unreliable in the morning" behind my back. Fortunately, everyone seems to like me more than him. He's pretty much a joke to all of us. It's time to start looking for new work. I am aware I don't have the body to strip, so alternative must be sought. Suggestions are welcome. Anyone want a bodyguard?

I've been to the pool twice now. The water was a little cold last night, but I didn't let that ruin it. There wasn't anyone else there except the lifeguard, and I think he might have been checking me out. I did a few laps back and forth, felt accomplished and lied out in the setting sun for a bit.

My place needs a serious cleaning from the Cleaning Fairies. That's all you need to know.

I guess I should get on with my day. I've got a meme to fill out by Nikki's mandate, a book to buy, clothes to put on, food to eat and a tournament at UMD to go watch. Consider this a warm-up blog. It's nothing sweet, but I'm gonna use it to hit a good bloggin' pace again. Hoight!

A pimp's love is very different from that of a square.

Okay, first order of business: have you seen Idiocracy? No? Do it... hilarious movie. It's by Mike Judge, same dude that did Office Space. But don't expect more Office Space. It's another brand of humor, hypothesizing that our world is headed for mass-stupidity. I mean, look at Paris - she's ahead of the curve! Moving on...

I've been antsy about getting some writing done lately, and this came with varied results. One night I sat at my desk for nearly 2 hrs and barely anything to show. Another night I drove home with something original in mind and it just came out with a little patience. Is this what being an author or musician is like? Definitely still in little league. Anywho, here are the previously mentioned pieces. Music to follow when I'm better at that too. :P

(currently untitled) (2007)

On I’ll go
Going nowhere fast, picking up speed.
You can’t know
It’s not what I want, it’s what I don’t need.

Highway bound
Going through zip codes faster than cigarettes.
Hallowed ground
I left behind good times, not just regrets.

On I’ll go
Going nowhere fast, picking up speed.
You can’t know
It’s not what I want, it’s what I don’t need.

Coffee black
No one wants answers, no one’s my boss.
One-man pack
I once was found, but I’d rather get lost.

On I’ll go
Going nowhere fast, picking up speed.
You can’t know
It’s not what I want, it’s what I don’t need.

No more ties
I race the horizon, but she always wins.
No goodbyes
Don’t feel much ‘cept the burn of the wind.

Found my peace
Chasing east
Final song
Now I’m gone.

Yeah - I haven't even got a title for that one yet. Suggestions are certainly welcome. This next one came a little tougher because I was trying to tie in lots of thoughts from a book I've been reading lately. I'm learning about my own philosophy and realizing how it aligns with lots of older thoughts (Aristotle, Kierkegaard, Nietzsche, etc.).

My Revolt (2007)

My life’s greatest battle
Is fighting tide and time.
Must make sure I win this,
Make it all mine.
So go do what you want
But I won’t be in the crowd.
Each step I take, eyes open.
I won’t follow blind or bowed.

I will invent.
I will invert.
I will separate myself from you.
It’s not for wealth.
Sing for myself.
I’ll scream as loud as I want to.

I won’t put down your path,
But I’ve gotta walk my own.
Your message doesn’t work for me
So I’ll just stick to my song.
March in deepened footprints,
Too afraid of being heard.
Living for another’s cause
Is nothing but absurd.

I will invent.
I will invert.
I will separate myself from you.
It’s not for wealth.
Sing for myself.
I’ll scream as loud as I want to.

I only question ‘cause I care.
The standard isn’t good enough for me.
This beaten path, it goes nowhere.
Stop looking and really try to see.

So suck it up,
And fuck it up.
Never mind what the others do.
Write a new rule.
Use a new tool.
I’ll live for me, you live for you.

You make me want to quit sharing myself.

Dad really upset me this evening, and maybe it's something ridiculous and minuscule, but it really hit a nerve.... hard. My dad is very proud of my creative side, mostly my lyric writing, and that's great. I pour myself into my work and try to make sure it's genuine and meaningful. What upset me was that he told me about sharing my work with someone else he knows from work, but didn't bother to ask if he could first. I take my work very personally and I guess I thought it would be a gesture of courtesy to say, "I would like to share your work with someone I know that I think would really appreciate it. Is that okay?" But what really annoys me is that this has happened before. He took it upon himself to spread MY work elsewhere, so that's when I told him I'd rather be asked first. But now it seems that is too much to ask of him.

Now is where we get into the debate of how "public" my song already are. I have put a lot of my pieces online and unrestricted. In theory, this means the entire net-surfing population can see my poetry or songetry, so I'll say 3.3 billion people are reading my blog. (This is under the random guess that 50% on the global population either has no net access or has AOL, which is basically the same thing. Of course, this figure also neglects the language barrier that would filter out another sizable chunk.) I would be willing to bet that 95% of the people that come across my writings are people that actually know me. There might be a few random peeks here and there, but the majority are friends that are intentionally checking my stuff out. And of those regulars, I doubt that any of them copy/paste my writings or send links around for people to check it out. It's nobody's to show off but my own. I thought I'd found a medium to share with those whose opinions actually count to me, but it seems I need to narrow this down. All that said, I'm fairly calm now. I realize he's acting out of pride, and it's such a thing to explode over. It may just mean I have to set certain parameters on who can view my ramblings and writings. Suggestions?

I have been writing, though. I tried to sit down and force something out for a couple hours last night, but it went very rough. I might have something I would post as a rough draft, but I wanna do some second-impression revisions first. It's still not coming out naturally for me.

The Yin and Yang of an Audiophile

Back in my junior English class we wrote short papers on illusions, and I made mine about the illusion of how I'll always have time to do whatever. I made the realization that this is incredibly false, and that I'm only damaging myself with my late-to-bed/early-to-rise routine. I'm not saying I've made any progress in that area, but rather I've made another discovery about myself, and easily confirmed it over the last couple weeks.

I've kinda joked about it before, but now I know the two polar opposites that attract me in the world of sound. Of course there's the driving rhythms and flighty solos and soulful growls of Metallica (just as one example). I love getting caught in the frenzy, falling victim to the mood of the song and just embracing the overpowering volume, sometimes to the point of doing my body physical harm. So is it any surprise that the other sweetest sound to me is absolute silence? It's so rare to actually find, but there is no other peace like it. No traffic, no phones, no buzzing machines, no fussy babies, no background conversations, no radio or television... just nothing. Even if the breeze were to pick up a bit and rustle some trees, you'd be tempted to "shush" it, and then scold yourself for an unnecessary exhalation. I miss that total silence, especially since it seems to be best for my writing. (Insert segue here.)

I need to get back to writing. I have many things pushing and signaling me to exercise my creativity more, so I just gotta sit down and crank some work out. I wish it wasn't such hard work for me to do. Maybe I overthink and complicate my writing process, but I feel like there's some skilled core that I've yet to reach. Little help?